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Nothing To Say
10/31/2005 - 3:11 p.m.
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
~"Superman(It's Not Easy To Be Me)"~Five For Fighting
Well it's been a while since I've updated in here. I could sit here and say that everything's been great, life is great and things are swell.
Right now as we speak, I'm sitting here in the library because my stupid home phone got shut off which means no internet for Miss Maggie. Of course, it's been off for a few days now though and to tell the truth I really haven't missed it. Kinda like cable television you know?
To answer the question of why is the phone shut off?
It's simple. Miss M still hasn't found a job. No job equals no income no income means bills do not get paid.
But it gets better.
For all intents and purposes. I got kicked out of my apartment today too. But that's ok. The landlordladybiotch can have the overpriced joint located in this lovely cesspool* of a town.
Special thanks to D for the analogy of Madison being a cesspool. I probably wouldn't have thought of it that way myself
Hmm..as for D...
Let's not go there right now. Eh yeah we'll go there.
Long story short: Last month we worked things out, he had an 'episode' he moved in and today he moved out. We BOTH need to get ourselves stable(mentally and financially) before we attempt living together. Because from my understanding he does love me and want to be with me etc (and vice versa) but given this situation (no job, no money, and trying to stay sane) IT IS NOT WORKING. Some time apart will do us BOTH good.
Financially I'm in the crapper probably worse than I was before my divorce.
Mentally?
Well that's anyone's guess. As I told D, I've been trying to keep myself together the past few weeks with all the crap that's gone on and I feel like I've failed miserably.
Have I thought about doing things that I um...shouldn't do?
Yes, quite a bit. More than I'll admit to on this screen that's for sure. My most recent handwritten journal states
"This fat worthless useless whore knows what she has to do"
and I left it at that and haven't updated in it since.
It just feels like that it's going to take just 'one more thing' to send me over the edge and that scares the crap out of me. I'll elaborate more in a few minutes since my session here is about to expire and I have to log off for 5 minutes before I can start a new one.