12/21/2005 - 7:58 a.m.

I hate Christmas?

I was sort of looking forward to it this year, but now...*shrugs* I shoved the tree I'd bought week before last when I moved into the apartment into the back of the closet, but last night David convinced me to take it back out.

As for D, who knows where that's going to go, it's kinda all up in the air. I'm rather hurt right now. I was blown off Thanskgiving, so we decided that X-Mas Eve would be just for us, well I got blown off for that too (not that it matters now since he has to work) so we decided to go to my grandmother's on X-Mas Day...

Well I just got blown off for THAT as well, don't get me wrong, I understand his reasons (familial) but geez...I'm not even going to ask about New Year's Eve because I'm sure that I'll get blown off for that as well.

I hate Christmas, I hate Christmas, I hate Christmas...

I always feel alone at Christmas...even when I was married, I was alone. I'd go to my family's (my ex husband wouldn't go and would then throw a fit if I did) so even though I was around family, I was alone.

D was like "Well this year you have me at least"

No, I really don't babe.

A few weeks ago he asked me what I wanted for X-Mas and I said:

"You"

"Well you've got that already"

But not anymore I guess...

I hate Christmas.

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