03/07/2006 - 6:10 p.m.

...to be beautiful.

Sure, I have nice eyes, a nice smile when I do bother to smile and not so bad legs...

But I'm not beautiful.

I feel like a water retaining sea cow.

It doesn't help that the stupid Valproic Acid has caused me to gain 25 lbs or so so much for having lost that 40...

I'm making an effort to bring healthier foods into the house, eat less, drink more water...but I fear that it's for naught.

Do you know that D has only ever told me once, maybe twice that I was beautiful?

Maybe to some that's a pretty stupid thing to concern oneself with, and it probably is but it was only about 5 or 6 months ago or so that I was beginning to think that maybe, I was...'beautiful', maybe not in the traditional sense as I was still overweight obviously, but well on my way there...hell, I was even starting to think of myself as 'sexy'. I had curves in all the right places and I didn't mind showing them off (to D of course) but now...I'd rather just hide under the blanket...in a dark room...with a bag over my head than to even come close to letting him see me...um...sans apparel. He's starting to notice too I can tell.

No wonder...(goes off into own thoughts for a moment...)

Anyway...

I rescheduled my interview for the insurance company for tomorrow at 1. I woke up yesterday feeling like warmed over crap, today was a little better since now my head is starting to drain...however, I wasn't aware that much snot could come out of the human head....

But I digress :p

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