05/09/2006 - 6:51 p.m.

Still not feeling so hot, head is still hurting a bit but not as bad as it was earlier.

But as I was lying in bed thinking I came to the conclusion that as far as You Know Who* is concerned, silence speaks volumes and to that I say "good riddance to bad rubbish" so to speak.

Do I look at the time spent as wasted time? Well to a degree yes. Do I have to explain this to anyone? No, but I will anyway for the sake of having something to write about.

The reason I feel that it was wasted time is because I feel like I was lied to almost the entire time. You see, about a year ago You Know Who asked me what I was looking for, and quite honestly I didn't really know because I hadn't sat down and thought about it. But one evening I did while I was at work and calls were far and few between and I wrote what I called my "Stream of Consciousness" entry which can be found here: http://missmaggie03.diaryland.com/050304_65.html

He told me that he was looking for the same things in a relationship. I guess it turns out that he WAS in fact dishonest, judgemental, and not totally communicative. The exact OPPOSITE of what he'd said he wanted. So if the total opposite occurs of what is told to you, would you feel betrayed and consider the time wasted? Honestly, only I can answer that question, but you are free to draw your own conclusions as well. No skin off my nose either way. Some of the dishonesty I can shake off some I can't. The judgemental is the one that kills me. He tried to judge me because of how my MOTHER treated him. Newsflash, I am NOT my mother. Now he has judged me because I have Bipolar. Is that fair? No of course not, especially when I never judged him because of it. But oh well, once again I say "Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish".

Anyway, in other news of interest or disinterest, whatever. I have about mmmm 24 hours to come up with a plan to get the hell out of Dodge. I may have to break down and ask my mom, but I already know what her answer is going to be...then again, she said the same thing about paying for my motel room and gas money...but packing up and driving 1100 miles is a different story. Been there, done that, got the tshirt and sent the postcard.

Anywho...

Also, the word "babe" is a term of endearment that I use for people (male obviously) that I care about, I still called David 'babe' last week, but it had a totally different connotation than it did in the past, it was more like force of habit at that point. It was just a word, because he destroyed the meaning of that word in conjunction with him. Sad as it may seem, he is the only person who could convince me NOT to go traipsing off into the wild blue yonder and all he'd have to do is say one word..."stay".

Kinda like the final episode of "Friends" where Rachel is on the plane and Ross tries to convince her not to go, and after she gets on the plane she realizes that she really DOES want to be with Ross and tries to get off the plane and you hear her on the answering machine trying to get off, and Ross is going "but did she get off the plane??!!" And then there's Rachel standing in the doorway:

"I got off the plane".

But now the word is used with someone else although I am not exactly sure of the connotation that it takes with that person at the moment. *Scratches head* Something to ponder I suppose. *shrugs*

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