08/31/2006 - 1:22 a.m.

It's been one of those weeks...It all started Friday morning...I left Jamie's to go to the temp service...waited 3 hours and no work...getting frustrated...went up to the bar to hang out while planning my next move...

While I was there this guy started buying everyone drinks...I should have just said no...but hey...free booze...

What I'm about to say will most likely cause a number of you to hate me or want to kick my ass and probably I don't blame you...

The last clear coherent memory I have is of me and Steve playing pool. G had shown up at about 2pm since he got done with work early...and the guy bought his drinks too(he was buying rounds for the bar) I was on number 4...or 5 at this point.. And I was joking with Steve that he'd never played ME at pool..G hands Steve 75 cents and says "play her" and I'm like no no no. He was like "no you done opened your mouth now play"

You know what's funny?

That was the best damn game I've ever played. I almost won but Steve got me in the end when he sank the 8 ball (he's a kickass player which is why I was surprised when I almost won)

Anyway..in between shots I was walking back up to the bar, taking a drink and a drag off my cig and talking to G...After the game he says to me:

"I think you're a great person Shiloh, really I do, but I see the way you and Steve are over there just laughing, cutting up and just having a good time...he can offer you so much more than I can...he's a good guy, give him a chance"

In other words, he thinks that Steve and I would make a better couple than we would...anyway...

I blew up at him shortly thereafter...not because of what he said though...but because I got the idea in my head...and like a rabid dog I wouldn't let go of it...that he'd just been using me for sex all along just like every OTHER man I've known has...and it PISSED ME OFF BUT GOOD. I laid into him like you wouldn't believe...stormed out of the bar...got in my car...he says I nearly ran him over...I don't think so but ok...

Anyway...after that...things get fuzzy...somewhere between the time I left the bar in a huff and the time I got back...which was less than 10 minutes...I completely snapped...bye bye Shiloh...

Quite honestly I'm not sure in what order EXACTLY things happened but I'm going to try to put it together as best I can...

During the game Steve asked me to go to Johnny's with him(it's a diner) and I said 'sure'...so we were getting ready to go soon and I went out to the car to get my bottle of Wellbutrin...I went into the bathroom and started thinking that maybe it was time that I started taking my meds again because the depression was just getting worse and worse...so I took one out...popped it and took a swallow of water. After that it was like a little voice said to me 'why stop there' and I popped another one...and another one...and another one...until I had taken 20. I stepped out of the bathroom and Steve was like "you ready to go?" I was like "sure" and then I told him what I'd done. He wanted to know if I wanted him to take me to the hospital and I said 'no'. He said 'ok'

So we get to Johnny's and sit down to order, he gets up to go to the restroom and I ask the waitress if she had 50 cents for the pay phone...I'm starting to panic a bit at this point and I call my friend Tony and tell him that I couldn't think of a good enough reason not to do it and what I'd done. He hit the nail on the head when he said "you're overwhelmed".

I said 'yes..you're right...I am overwhelmed..I gotta go...bye" and hung up and sat back down...Steve orders and keeps trying to get me to order something but the only thing I ordered was sweet tea. I pull the bottle out of my pocket and open it...he grabs it out of my hand and says "NO" but 4 pills had fallen out and I grabbed them and stuffed them in my pocket...I asked the waitress where the restroom was and she pointed it out...I remember him going "don't you do it...don't you do it" and starting to follow me...I said "what are you going to do? follow me in here?" And I went in with my tea and took the other 4 pills...come back out and continue drinking my tea. Everything kinda had haloes around it and felt 'buzzy'...I kept loosing my balance and reaching out and he'd catch me. Kept asking if I was SURE I didn't want to go to the hospital. I said "no and please don't call the cops...please" He promised he wouldn't and we got back in his truck and went back to the bar.

Evidently I was acting totally fucked up at this point(I later found out that Mike had been buying me drinks again so I have NO IDEA how much booze I've had at this point) and someone asks me what's wrong(a friend) and I recall looking at my water glass going "I took...I took..."

"Yeah I know you took something now what was it?"

"24 Wellbutrin"

"WHAT??Oh shit you're overdosing!"

"So??"

Needless to say my friend throws a fit and tells the bartender to call the police...evidently she did...right before they showed up I was hugging Steve and I was like "You didn't call the cops did you?"

"No sweetie you asked me not to and I didn't"

I look over his shoulder and go "Well who the fuck did??"

I try to pull a total sobriety act and failed miserably...especially when they gave me a field sobriety test...I denied taking the pills but later admitted that I did...

Nearly assaulted a police officer...

Got banned from the bar for good...

Spent 12 hours hooked to a saline IV, 6 hours hallucinating...the most interesting of which involved a pink paisley sofa floating down the hallway and 4 hours of projectile vomiting and dry heaves before I....

Bought self one way ticket to funny farm...managed to get doc to convince judge that I was ok to leave after 3 days.

"I have a lot of stress in my life right now and instead of saying anything I just bottled it up and I snapped...that's all" Which is mostly true anyway...actually it IS true...

As for G, I haven't spoken to him since Friday and from what Steve tells me he and I spent the afternoon sniping at each other anyway so I'll be lucky if he ever speaks to me again because I know that I was NOT nice to him at ALL.

As for Steve...well I ran into him yesterday(Tuesday) and I had him fill in the blanks for me while we shared a plate of fries at Kelly's(another diner) and we went over to his place to take a nap before he went to work...I found out that afternoon, much to my astonishment...that he's a pretty damn good kisser...we're talking about getting an apartment together now and being roommates...this should be interesting if nothing else if it ever comes to fruition. G is right, he really is a good guy...so I think I WILL give him a chance...he's just a little older than me(32), no kids, no issues so to speak of, but down 2 marriages...anyway...and he IS kinda cute.. ;)

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