11/22/2006 - 3:13 p.m.

*and yes a 'real' entry will follow this later today*

With T-Day right on our asses I thought I'd share some of my tips for a super kick ass turkey that isn't dry.

First you take your bird and take it out of the packaging. You see that little thingy that's white with a red dot? DON'T TAKE THAT OUT OF THE BIRD(until it's ready to serve)!! Yes you leave it in. This is your 'timer' of sorts. When the bird is ready to be taken out of the oven the red part pops up. Don't get confused like my Granny(the twinkie but we all love her) did and think that the whole thing is supposed to come shooting out of the bird when it's done...it doesn't work like that and you just end up with a bird you can't slice if you wait for that to happen.

Then to prepare the bird:

1. REMOVE GIBLET PACKS FROM BIRD CAVITY. There are usually 2 one up front and one toward the neck region. Also remove any bones that you see(neck bone etc). Some people use these to make 'giblet gravy' but I just throw them out or give them to the cat. *meow*

2. This is what makes the inside skin of the bird super juicy: Loosen skin from the bird. Yes this means that you have to touch it. If you're squeamish then a dry bird is your reward. After you have loosened the skin where there is a pocket between the skin and the meat take a stick of butter cut into cubes and insert evenly throughout the pocket lay the skin back on top of this and press down.

3. With more butter(it doesn't matter how much, you choose) raise the bird up *stick your hand up the cavity if you need to, this is also good if you want to make the bird dance, thereby entertaining anyone who is watching* and smear the bird with butter making sure to get by the legs and wings.

4. If you are using an oven bag just place the bird in the bag following the instructions on the bag(some require a slit cut in the top). If you are using a roasting pan and foil cover the bird with the foil making sure that you leave a space for steam to escape.

5. Cook the bird according to package instructions (most birds will take anywhere from 3-4 and a half hours depending on weight).

6. Every 30-45 minutes or so, open oven and baste/paint the bird with the butter at the bottom of the pan. Use a basting brush as this distrubutes the butter more evenly in my opinion)

7. For super cripsy skin if you're using the foil method remove the top foil for the last 45 minutes of cooking.

8. If necessary, if there are too many people in the kitchen, threaten to baste THEM if they don't leave you the fuck alone. A bottle of booze will typically solve this problem.

If all goes well, you should have in the end a super juicy bird, with a nice crispy skin that is easy to slice and have everyone begging to know how you did it.

The same steps can be applied to a roasted whole chicken and it works wonders.

I do reccommend the Reynolds Oven Bags as opposed to foil.

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