Winter in July

"Look around wonder why

we can live a life that's never satisfied

Lonely hearts troubled minds

looking for a way that we can never find

Many roads are ahead of us

with choices to be made

Buts life's just one of the games we play.

There is no special way

Make the best of what's given you

everything will come in time

why deny yourself

don't just let life pass you by

like winter in July."

~Winter in July~Sarah Brightman

Well here I am once again. After all my happy perky cheerful "I'm so much better now" entries...I realized something...

I'm not better...I've just become a better actress. "Just let it go" I was told *jokingly of course* but I CAN'T. The old blue funk that I had earlier this summer has come back in full swing. I'm fighting it but it's not working. The old feelings, the old memories, the old thoughts...they're back...

...And I feel myself slipping...

I've yapped all summer about finding my identity and reclaiming myself. Only to think that I had.

What the fuck is wrong with me???!!!!???

I feel like everything I've worked so hard to achieve this summer is unravelling before my eyes and I can't stop it and I don't know why or how it happened! It's like there was only this tiny thread holding it together...perpetrating the illusion...and someone just came by when I wasn't looking and snipped the thread.

But I guess when you get down to it...I didn't really achieve anything. I never found myself to begin with I guess...*sighs*

Whats the fucking point?

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