10/23/2004 - 7:02 p.m.

...and I'm just a bit player.

I just wish someone had given me a better script though. This one has pretty much BLOWN so far. Then I realize...

I

Everything that I have said, done, thought or felt has come back to haunt me in some form or fashion.

I talk to others who know my past, my history etc, and while they do not say much at the time, it seems that at some point *and this always happens*, they take the opportunity to take a jab at me about something that I've done.

Maybe it's just in my head though.

Or is it?

During the period that I like to refer to as "The Jason Situation", I had done something, that I wasn't too proud of. Something that not only affected ME, but my ex and evidently him even though he didn't have a say in the matter. He even admitted he didn't have a say in the matter.

While I had thought we had worked through it, a few months later it came up again, in the form of a jab while we were discussing something else, that wasn't even RELATED to that situation.

It wasn't the only time this happened though.

Even more recently *well this YEAR anyway* I've done things that I'm not too terribly proud of, things that I shouldn't have done. I'm just wondering...how long til someone decides to take a backhanded slap at me about that too?

Actually, I think they may have indirectly already.

Is there any hope of redemption for Miss M? Probably not. So...I'll just say the same thing to everyone that I told J all those months ago in here... I'M *BLEEPING* SORRY OK? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

You know, I woulda made a good Catholic...I've got the guilt thing down pat...