06/13/2005 - 5:07 p.m.

Well I went to the program today and I can now truly say that it will not work for me. I didn't think that it would and today was just the proof of that. Now I don't know what to do. I tried calling my therapist again but he hasn't called back and it's pissing me off.

I've been crying off and on since I got home and I don't know what to do. I haven't mentioned it to D because I know he's got a lot on his mind and doesn't need me dragging him down. That's why I haven't told him that I'm taking vacation this week*til Thursday* to try this OP program. It was something that I kicked around after I got out of the bin the last time because I know that the bin wasn't really helping me. It gets me stable for a short period of time and that's it. I don't have the tools I need and that's what I'm trying to get. But the group thing just isn't for me mainly because I don't want to hear other people talk about their problems. But that's the point of group therapy. I don't know what to do at this point if my regular therapist won't fucking call me back. I feel like I'm just spiralling downward and I don't like it. Granted I know he has a busy practice but a simple phone call would be nice so I can change my appointment.

I'll figure out what to do I guess. I'm gonna do some job searching and go cry some more I suppose.

*sigh*

It'll get better, I promise.

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