06/22/2005 - 3:25 p.m.

Here I am at work and I'm trying to keep my mind occupied in between calls. I'm on my 2nd cup of tea, 2nd cup of water and 1st cup of hot chocolate. Usually my vanilla almond tea makes me feel better but this time it's just not working. I looked in the mirror just now and I noticed that my hair is quite a bit thinner where I've been pulling it out. I guess I need to quit that stuff. I've already hit the point of I don't care though. But deep inside I think I do care.

I keep hoping for a miracle but I guess in the end I'm going to have to create my own miracle. But I don't know how.

It just seems that everything I've attempted to do in the last year has been for naught.

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