03/19/2004 - 3:04 a.m.

Silence speaks volumes. Enough said.

What the hell is wrong with me?!? I've been pretty mellow for the past few days. I finally came off of the "happy happy perky perky clean clean clean and lets shop til we drop*or run out of cash that isn't put aside for bills* mode" And today...starting last night...

I've been crying,moping, decided I just COULDN'T go to work today. I called in told them I was having nasty allergy problems *yeah all the crying gives you a good "Yeah my allergies are really bothering me today" voice. I can't fucking deal with people today!!! Or any other day really...unless I'm in that *obnoxiously happy* mode.

I kinda knew that this was inevitable as I'd been feeling it coming on for the past day or so beforehand...and last night I was arguing with IdiotBoy.*my soon to be ex husband* And of course...that is always good for completing the downhill slide. And ever since then...I've been like....this*shrugging* To the point where I just...don't...fucking...care...about...anything :(

I just want to curl up in my bed, pull the covers over my head and go to sleep and make everything and everyone go the fuck away*yes I swear alot so sue me*lol*

This of course is only the readers digest condensed version. But if you're read this far and can actually understand what I'm saying I commend you.

However...I did see my therapist Monday*and have another appointment with her this coming up Monday* and she's referred me to a pdoc as she says that she feels that I am in fact BP*rapid cycling at that* and thinks that I would benefit from medication*but obviously she can't prescribe meds. So I see him on April 30th* that just seems soooooo far away though. Right now I feel like I'm just hanging on by a thread and I keep waiting for someone to cut it. Does that make sense???

Blah...who gives a fuck anyway?

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