05/26/2004 - 6:15 p.m.

If you've noticed no new entries the past few days, I have an explaination.

I went back to the hospital. Starting last week I started getting VERY depressed and cutting again. Friday night, I planned to kill myself by taking my entire bottle of trazodone.

I told this to my therapist, who then called the hospital and had me admitted. When I got there, I was taken to the first floor.

First floor is like maximum security. They took all my jewelry, some of my clothes and my tennis shoes. They even took my stuffed rabbit. What? What on earth can I do with a stuffed toy? Attempt to smother myself with it?

Since it was the weekend, there weren't as many group sessions, mostly health and med sessions and relaxation techniques. They added yet ANOTHER drug to my mix so lets see, that means I'm now on: Lexapro,Trazodone,Trileptal,Geodon,Klonopin, and Zyprexa so only 6 meds. I thought it was seven but I've also been convinced that today is Monday*shrugs*

They gave me all my drugs at once on Saturday night and snowballed the hell out of me for sunday. I was barely concious all day. I think I slept most of the day. I remember taking a few phone calls but damned if I remember what I said*lol*

By Monday I was back to 'normal' but I've gone manic again. So far I've vacuumed the house, did a load of dishes, cooked my healthy meals for the week, cooking dinner now as we speak and am doing a load of laundry. Someone just slap me...I'm NEVER going to find a happy medium.

I did a good job I think of keeping it in check while Chris was visiting. Which is why I avoiding saying much at all*weak laugh*...

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