12/21/2004 - 1:26 a.m.

*moment of clear thinking which has become few and far between*

I told M that it was a bad idea for him to come over tomorrow. I wouldn't tell him why though. Heh, what do you know, the ONLY guy who HASN'T tried to get into my pants and I'm pushing him away faster than you can say 'strip'. Fuck it. I don't need him or anyone else for that matter.

Ever since I woke up this morning, I've been trying to keep from flying into a rage. I told J that he was lucky he got out of my car when he did other wise I was about to start throwing things at him. And I honestly would have. I probably should have. I was able to keep it under control until just a few minutes ago*looks at spot on wall where the heel of one of her boots left a mark*

As far as the whole J thing goes, let's NOT go there. I told him that he should be with the other chick and I also stated that we should forget yesterday ever happened. Lord knows I'm gonna try.

"oh but I don't want to hurt you or upset you"

Whatever *shrugs* remember, I'm rather used to it...I can't believe that I was almost dumb enough to fall for his lines though. Well, I guess I was dumb enough. It's like I've been walking around in a trance. I was rereading some of my messenger conversations with various folks and while some of them are alcohol fueled a lot of the conversations throw me for a loop. What on earth am I thinking when I say some of the things I have said in the past month or so???

Oh well*shrugs*

*Looks down at ankles* Just for the record...Miss M and sharp pointy objects don't mix. I actually drew blood this time. Blah...

At this particular moment in time I can see that I'm spiraling out of control. Logically I see this right now. Will I see it tomorrow as well and just laugh it off??

Who knows. But tomorrow is another day...

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