12/20/2004 - 10:03 a.m.

As I was driving back from Hoptown this morning, well back there this morning to take J home, my Logical Self spoke to me again. I came to the conclusion that there are 'mistakes' and then there are the 'oh sweet lord what have I done!!?!' mistakes...the last 24 hours fall into the latter of the two categories.

*starts praying to appropriate deity* Please, please, please don't let me end up paying for this mistake with my life. What was I thinking? Why wasn't I thinking? Why didn't I think? Why, why why????

Did I NOT learn my lesson about this earlier this summer?? Hell the past month of my life has been such a blur,*sometimes alcohol induced but yesterday was NOT for the record* it's like I'm just watching everything happening without comprehending what's going on until AFTER the fact and then I beat myself up over it.

And we won't even go into the fact that he's got some other chick that has a thing for him and he can't decide which of us he wants*rolls eyes* and in his words...and I quote:

"Not to make this sound like a competition but between you and her(he used her name but I'm not gonna use it here) you're in the lead by a long shot"

Hmm...excuse me, I don't like being thrown into some fucked up competition where the rules are apparently 'whichever one of you can get my heart first can have it'...

So once again, Miss M gets used. Fuck this shit...

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