12/28/2004 - 3:44 a.m.

Welcome to Miss Maggie's First Annual Year End Wrap Up. It's been quite the interesting year to say the least...which is saying quite a bit actually...

January found me still in a mild depression. Not too bad but noticable. I was debating on what to do about the Jason thing because 5 years of flirtation was enough...so I decided that the time had come to lay it on the line...ok maybe not yet...

February found me hopped up on pain meds after having oral surgery and the night of I finally told Jason the truth. Well actually he guessed and I showed him the letter I'd written him and followed it with 'huh'? But February was good other than my depression getting worse followed by periods of extreme hyperactivity. *see "Katie Couric on crack"

March found me increasingly erratic and alternating between sad/depressed and happy/obnoxiously perky so quickly that I'm beginning to think I'm Linda Blair. Not to mention doped up on painkillers due to my back. 4 scripts and 2 steroid shots later I've gained 10 lbs and feel like shit...

April found me at the proverbial end of my rope not to mention drinking heavily. I signed my separation agreement, committed myself and had my divorce go through.

May found me the same way but without the drinking. Things aren't going well...Back to the bin I go, I lose my job, and my home and in a lack of judgement I boinked someone 2 hours after meeting them, thus setting up a trend for the rest of the year...

June lead me to somewhere halfway across the country and back again due to another serious lack of judgement but I'm going bonkers, off medications, drinking again and bordering on psychotic and losing my best friend somewhere along the way...

July finds me with a new job and slowly coming to a sense of 'normalcy' for the most part but dealing with feelings that I'd rather not...

August was rather boring to say the least, just getting into the swing of things. I have my moments but they're not too bad.

Septemeber I had expected to be bad but it really wasn't. I started making plans...big plans...still feeling relatively normal and not drinking anymore...

October things start to crash a bit. I had my heart ripped out more than once and put an end to my 'big plans' and decided to say fuck it. Not feeling well...wanting to drink...but managing not to...start becoming socialble and flirtacious and liking it...maybe a little too much...and toward the end of the month, I'm back to Katie Couric on crack...

Novemeber finds me on top of the world. The world is my oyster. Happy as a clam, going out, talking to people, drinking like a fish, halfway realizing something's wrong, but really not caring....

December found me being a slut for all intents and purposes. Still on top of the world looking down and realizing that it's gonna be a helluva a fall when I do...realizing that I've ended up becoming everything that I've hated almost like a self fulfilling prophecy come to life. Not realizing what I've done until afterwards and spend most of the month kicking myself in the ass, but at the same time not caring. Still drinking like a fish...have gained weight and hate it...

That brings me to now...

Three days before the end of the year...things have changed this year...some good, some bad...mostly just strange...I've become someone that I don't really recognize anymore and once again I'm losing myself, or have I found myself? Only time will tell

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