01/27/2005 - 1:01 p.m.

I'm cranky. I didn't get as much sleep last night as I should have since I spent several hours arguing with a 'friend' about things. After many hours and a few ciggies all I ended up with was a big headache.

If you've noticed, I have the word 'friend' in quotation marks. The person is really NOT a friend of mine, but an acquaintance, one that I wish I had never met at that. But what's done is done and that is that. I seem to be gaining a lot of those lately. I'm not quite understanding why or how but...

It seems that the 'friendships' that I have with folks are forced almost. But on who's part? And when did it happen? I have a few that I used to talk to quite often and now, while we still talk, something has changed. With a few, I can pinpoint that exact moment of change, with others though it's not exactly clear.

But these are things that I really don't like to think about though, because I feel that I have given too much of myself to my friends, opened myself up too much to them...

Have I?

Maybe I just care too much. It would be soooo much easier if I DIDN'T care though, it would have saved me a lot of heartache in the end. But once again, what's done is done, what's said is said, and that's all there is.

I don't know where these strange thoughts have been coming from as of late, they seem to pop up out of nowhere for the most part. I'm going to try and not think about it for now though. I am going to concentrate on the fact that in less than 3 hours I'll be at home and making dinner, spagehetti with meat sauce...turkey at that. YUM and that tomorrow I get paid. Payday is ALWAYS good.

Yeah, time to concentrate on other things. Other things for sure...

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