03/04/2005 - 12:06 a.m.

Yeah, I'm a bitter cynical fuck at times, (See the V-Day Rant) but you know what? Even though I said that there were no fireworks, no lilting violin melodies, etc, those are the things I'd LIKE to have. But more importantly, what I is someone who I common interests with, share the same philosophies with. Someone who respects and appreciates me for well...ME and not what's under my skirt. Someone who is interested more in my heart and mind more than anything. The rest of it is just icing on the cake. In the past, I've evidently lived up to my AOL SN of MrsRobinson. The young man's fantasy of the older woman. I don't mind being a fantasy on occasion but I'd much rather be someone's REALITY. Not the fantasies of "boys" who are just looking for the thrill of banging an older woman.

So that brings me to the question that I think it's high time I gave an answer to.

I'm looking for someone who is marriage minded, understands what the responsibilities are in said marriage. Someone who understands the importance of honesty and COMMUNICATION! I'm looking for someone who can balance responsibility with fun. Someone who doesn't mind being silly on occasion. Someone who can respect that I stand my ground on certain topics. Someone who understand that in a relationship, both partners have to be willing to give 100%. Someone who isn't judgemental. Someone who can go out and be adventurous. Adventure does NOT equal dangerous though, but risk taking CAN be fun. Someone who appreciates my mind, body and spirit as a whole.

What else am I looking for? Someone that I can feel free to be open and honest around without fear of reprecussion. I want someone who understands the value of "alone time" Not because we have anything to hide but for me mere purpose of 'recharging our batteries' so to speak. I want someone who will within reason of course, support my dreams and aspirations.

If you've noticed however, I haven't mentioned a word about sex. I've already decided that the next person I sleep with is going to be for love, not lust or even a fairly good facsimile of love. I want the real thing and I believe that it's worth waiting for.

Definintely, without a doubt. A person's heart, soul and mind come first because without understanding and knowing those traits about a person, sex would be meaningless and well, I want to know ALL of a man before I let him into my pants. It's taken me a while to actually learn that and I seem to have developed somewhat of a reputation because of NOT understanding that but you know what? That's ok. I can no longer allow myself to feel shame or guilt over the past when the future looms so brightly ahead of me.

That is what I want, and want to GIVE in return. Perhaps it's a silly idea but, you know, it's worth waiting for to find it. And when I do. It'll be worth the wait.

Believe it or not. This entire entry was written out longhand before I posted it here. It was very 'stream of consciousness' because I wasn't actually intending to make it into an entry for anything but my handwritten journals. But after I was done, I reread it and was like "WOW" and here you go. That all came from my heart. No fear of reprecussion, no 'what will THEY think' nothing like that.

That is me, and who I am, and what I stand for. Take it or leave it folks.

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