01/17/2004 - 6:03 a.m.

IdiotBoy really threw me for a loop today. We were talking on the phone and I was describing the outfit I was wearing to work : a red sweater with a blue skirt and black boots. Now, this in and of itself should not have started an argument right? Well somehow it did and get this: IdiotBoy thinks I'm doing this (this being me on a diet and dressing nicely),to a:try to get someone to notice me and b:spite him. He goes on to say that I never bothered to 'take care of myself' when we were married so why should I start now? The thing is, I DID take care of myself. The only times I TRULY looked like shit were when I was a home and who cares what you look like when you're at home? This argument progrssed to the point where I finally accused him of being jealous and he admitted he was because he thinks I'm doing it to get back at him. Well I have news for you dearheart, I have much more creative ways to get back at you. Me losing weight is NOT trying to get back at you. Fifteen minutes later into said argument, he then says that he felt like I blamed HIM for my miscarriage last July (2002). Readers, I have NEVER blamed him for that. It wasn't HIS fault. Anytime I have EVER mentioned the m/c I have ALWAYS blamed my doctor who didn't believe that I was pregnant and refused to test me himself. I also blame the emergency room for putting me through all those xrays when I sprained my ankle and then put me on Lortab even when I mentioned that there was a possibility I could be pregnant. After taking the Lortab for 2 days I discovered that I was in fact pregnant and then ended up miscarrying 4 days later. So no, Brian I NEVER blamed you for that. Not once. Not now, and not ever. I am sorry however that you felt that I did.