08/14/2004 - 2:02 p.m.

Well yesterday was an ok day. I actually got some sleep, got my paycheck *ON TIME* and piddled around most of the day. Then last night, according to my schedule I had a meeting at work. So I get dressed and head on out. I get to work only to find that... A:My supervisor is on vacation therefore... B:My meeting was cancelled. But before that, as I was leaving the apartment I stopped dead in my tracks, turned around and looked behind me. Suddenly I realized that THIS is what my life has become. A dumpy apartment, a job that barely pays my bills and living week to week with no end in sight. I sighed and screamed aloud :"THIS IS NOT MY LIFE!!!" and got in the car. On my way back home my words kept ringing in my head. I stopped at the store and procured alcohol and proceeded to do something I hadn't done in a while. I drank. Oddly enough, I didn't drink to intoxication though. But I continued to sit and think. But I still don't see any way out from this mess that I call my life. What kind of life is this? If I had wanted this I should have just stayed married. But I guess it kinda proves my theory all along that nothing ever changes no matter what I do. But I have to do something. In most circumstances, when I felt backed into a corner I would run. But, I think it's time for a change. I don't want THIS, I want something MORE. Now all I have to do is figure out HOW. I guess I'll figure it out eventually. I'm leaving no option unconsidered at this point and some that I have swirling in my mind seem to make more sense than others. Does this make sense? Probably not. But it does to me so I guess that's all that matters in the end.

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