11/07/2004 - 9:40 p.m.

I've decided that tomorrow possibly, I'm going to go back and unhide the entries that I had hidden. There's not point in hiding them really, but I had my reasons for doing it.

Mainly, I was trying to hide from my past so to speak. I thought that if I could 'hide' the entries, somehow, I could 'forget' the last 6 months of my life existed. It was a um...learning experience to say the least.

But mostly, what I've learned is, I can't very well hide from the past as that is what has made me who I am now. That, and by choosing to ignore the last 6 months, I fairly effectively, caused some people to cease to exist, at least in terms of this blog anyway...

Wasn't the smartest thing to do...but oh well...

It takes approximately 10 minutes to restore one month of my entries. October has been restored. I'll get to the rest later.

What I have noticed however, is that my entries as of late, have been quite reserved. A few of you may be asking why. The answer quite simply is this: I no longer feel that I can speak 'freely'.

That's sad really when you get down to it. I started this diary as a way to be able to do just that. And now, circumstances and such as they are, I can't do it. Everytime I write an entry I wonder 'who will be the one to turn around and use my thoughts,feelings and actions to take a jab at me, be it subtle or blatant?'

I will openly admit, that I have taken a fair number of swipes at some people in these pages, some deserved, some maybe not so deserved after I've had time to think about it. The difference being, at least I validated my words and actions regardless of whether people approved of them or not. I don't attack without reason. People should be aware of this by now. I just hate it when people do it to me without showing just cause.

Ok, this entry has gotten well off topic now and this wasn't where I intended to take it. But I guess I felt I owed some sort of explaination as to why my entries have gotten 'boring' as of late.

Before you even ask...

The answer is...

Yes...and No...

And we'll leave it at that.

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