11/11/2004 - 6:54 p.m.

You know, I hate downtime. It makes me think too much. Today's topic of interest is a conversation between C and myself last night during which I got to play Doctor Maggie.

He kept going on about he thought he was a bad person because he thinks that he hurts me or upsets me by the things that he says or does. I finally had to tell him 'Look, every person that I have come into contact with has done that so you're not the only one. It doesn't make you a bad person and you're not a bad as some of the others' Unfortunately, this kinda backfired and led to another 30 minutes of me trying to convince him that it was ok that he doesn't upset me per se but comments that he's made sometimes trigger a memory that upsets me. It's not HIM that upset me but the MEMORY that I can't let go of for whatever reason.

After almost an hour of this, I finally had to ask WHY was it so important to him that he not 'upset' me or whatnot. Pretty much in not so many words the answer boiled down to something along the line of "Because I want you to be happy because you deserve to be treated nice and not be hurt"

News flash: Don't bother caring whether or not I'm happy babe, no one else has so you're not doing me any favors by attempting(pretending???) to do so. I know your type,*yeah you're male...that's all I need to know right there* you're all the same. You string me along, build up my ego and have me take you into my confidence until you get what you want from me and then toss me aside like an old shoe when something better comes along. I'm rather used to it quite honestly. So I'm quite prepared to handle you should the time ever come that I need to.

Whoa...hmm...where did the bitter and cyncial old lady come from there. I thought she'd shut up for the most part...guess not *shrug*

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